Ray DeForest: Wonderful

By Ray DeForest

So Wonderful! 

When I was a kid, we would spend part of our summers renting a house on the beach in Long Beach Island, NJ. How I loved my time there. It’s a small island just ½ a mile wide and 13 miles long. It was a fantastic childhood playground for me. I loved the waves and my dad, known as “Duke”, was a great body surfer and would spend hours teaching me the finer points of wave riding. Mom, known as “Taffy”, would lounge under the umbrella in her red polka dot bikini (1960’s style), while my sister Nancy would be hanging with the girls making necklaces and flirting with the lifeguards. I would spend all day in the ocean swimming, riding those waves and dreaming of Atlantis. I swear I thought could see Mermaids and Mermen in the whitecaps as they rolled by. When there was a sandbar we would swim out to it and I just knew we were being watched. Out in the middle of that beautiful blue water swimming with those wonderful creatures! To some it might have seemed a bit creepy, but to me…well…it was exciting. I still dream of those Mermen and Mermaids! Little did I know, so do a lot of others!

Just when I thought I was all alone with my fantasy, I get online and there I find a world I didn’t know existed. There are mermaid groups, mermaid conventions and mermaid aficionados around the globe. There is even a famous (or infamous) Mermaid Parade every year in Coney Island. Did you know there are many who dress as Mermaids and Mermen and do parties and conventions swimming in self-contained tanks? Well, there are! WONDERFUL!!! Once again I am reminded that none of us is alone if you just reach out to the world.

When I came out, I thought I was totally alone. There were no home computers and it was difficult finding other gay men and woman that I could talk to. I spent many days and nights feeling alone and withdrawn. I tended to hang out with younger kids since they weren’t as questioning as others my age. When my friends were discovering girls, it made me sink further into my aloneness. Then one day my mom took me to see “Hello Dolly” on Broadway, starring the one and only Carroll Channing! At intermission, my mom went to “powder her nose” and as soon as she left her seat a gentleman about 25 yrs old came up to me. He said I was handsome and all I could do was smile and shake uncontrollably! He gave me his phone number and said if I was interested I should call him! Now let me say here I was 6’4 and a swimmer and generally was thought to be much older than I was. I was only 16 but most pegged me to be about 19 or 20. When mom came back to her seat she saw him walk away and asked who he was. I said he thought he knew me and left it at that. (I think she knew damn well what was going on! Nothing ever really got by Taffy!) Needless to say I called him from a payphone 2 weeks later, and that began a journey of enlightenment for me that lasted 2 years!

This was a wonderful man. I was quick to tell him my real age, but told him I could really use a friend who could help me through this part of my life. He looked at me and just said “…here I am!” Thus began my journey. He took me places I never would have gone to. He introduced me to his friends in the village where he lived and worked. He was my “gay mentor” for those wonderful 2 years. I learned it was ok to just be me. I learned that gay didn’t mean being alone and really it was just plain “Wonderful”!!! He passed away during the AIDS epidemic of the 80’s, but I will never forget what he did for me. I try to pass that on to the other gay people I’ve known in my life. Never feel alone and never think you are anything but “WONDERFUL”!!!

During those 2 years, my life changed forever. It changed me in ways that I still see and feel today. He gave me the strength to never be alone. I let go of so many things back then. I learned to live my life and forget what everyone else thought. One thing I never let go of was my dreams and my fantasies! I will always dream of flying, I will always wish for spaceships to other galaxies and I will always think I see Mermaids and Mermen in the waves. If I do ever meet one, I’ll make sure they know that I’m not the only one out there. That there are many more “Wonderful” people like me that would love to meet them.

Hugs and Love

Ray

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