Ray DeForest: Mirror Mirror

I love watching movies! I love the escape and the feeling that I am being transported. I have a blu ray player and it makes the at-home movie experience amazing! One of my favorites is the Disney classic “Snow White”. It has recently been restored to its original perfection, and all I can say is WOW! It amazes me that a group of talented artists created such a thing of beauty with their hands. Drawing by drawing, dwarf by dwarf. That Evil Witch scared me as a child and still does today! When she stands in front of the mirror and asks, “Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” I always shudder in fright!

Imagine if we had a magic mirror? One that made us reflect on who we are, what our life really is and gave us all the truth, all the time? Like that witch, sometimes the mirror would tell us what we want to hear, but other times tell us what we most definitely don’t want to hear! Although, we wouldn’t send out henchmen to kill someone and tear their heart out, when we don’t like the truth.

So, since it’s the a new decade, I thought the truth is a good place to start. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am the kind of person that is up front and truthful. Lying has never gotten anyone anywhere and I try to be honest and true. I’m a gay, geek, crossdresser who loves being who I am, loves his partner unquestionably and believes the world and it’s people are mostly good. What about the world for us LGBTQ? Is it really any better now than it was in the “beginning”? I thought we could take a look…

This year I started my blogging with a mention of another blogger who said that we are a disappointment to our forefathers and their fight. I disagreed then and as I do now. We should all be proud of what we have accomplished. The fight isn’t over but we have done well. Each time I see one of my younger friends go on a march and protest for something they believe in, I am reminded that each generation is still fighting the fight and staying true to their forefathers. Studies have shown that heterosexuals who actually know us gays are much more likely to support our civil rights.

Gay marriage has been the hot topic. Everyone pushing back and forth, we get it in one state and lose in another. It can be frustrating, but let me give you a bit of perspective here. When I came out in 1975 (yes you read that right!) I had to sneak around in NYC going into bars, and the back of trucks in the meatpacking district (don’t’ ask). It was a crazy, fun, but sometimes scary time. If you weren’t in the West Village, you weren’t in any kind of comfort zone. The mere thought that one day we would have even 1 state where we could legally marry was pure fantasy! I’m not saying we don’t have a long way to go, but we should all take a moment and realize how far we have come on this issue. I attended a friend’s wedding in Fire Island this summer. As I watched Franco and Mark devote their lives to one another, a tear fell from my eye. I never thought I would be standing watching this wondrous showing of love and devotion in my day. I walk down the street and hold my partners hand and occasionally kiss him lightly to show him my love. I know we will be legally married one day soon too. Life is so grand!

Never have more gays been on TV and the media. We are truly everywhere now. And even though so many thought it would hinder their success…the old adage of “I would never have gotten where I am if they knew” proved wrong for many. Neil Patrick Harris is a perfect example of a man who came out and probably is at the highest success in his life. He even plays a believable womanizer in his hit TV sitcom! And of course the geeks know Tourchwood’s Captain Jack (John Barrowman) …a true hottie who plays an openly gay character, and proved that his relationship with a man could be watched and loved by all! And how could we not mention the idol, Adam Lambert! He lives life as he sees it. He made no pretense in the contest as others have before him, and is achieving success. Who knew!!!

Coming out seems to have become easier for more men, woman and trans youth. Although it’s still a big confession, it helps that so many LGBTQ issues and people are in the headlines. If I had that back in the 70’s it would have been a whole lot easier. And now with places like the Harvey Milk School and shelters for gay youth around the country, we have a great caring, loving infrastructure to help our own. Congrats gays! Spread the love!

We seem to be winning the AIDS fight. Fewer people are getting infected, and those that are, are living fuller, happier lives due to medical advances in the field. I lost too many friends in the early 80’s. I remember the bars making announcements that poppers were spreading the disease. They passed around garbage bags and everyone threw their poppers in the trash! By the middle of 1983 when they had identified the virus, nearly 5,000 cases had been reported, but half of those patients were already dead. I watched my friends disappear from a world that seemed not to care. Many a hand I held as they said goodbye. Those days are gone, but we remember them each pride parade during the moment of silence. I rode in the opening float of NYC Pride this year. In full drag, with my partner by my side, I held my rainbow roses high and remembered those men and women we lost as a tear streaked down my face. I will never forget that moment or those friends. Luckily those days are gone and HIV is not the devastating disease it was not so long ago. Education is still the answer and we all have worked hard to spread the news of safe sex throughout our community… congrats again gays! We are making a difference.

And before I close I would like to mention an ally that seems to know that we are human and deserve all things great and small. He has helped us “fight the fight” for many years now… none other than TV host, Jon Stewart. If you have never watched his show, please do. He has our back, our front, and our middles. He asks the questions that need to be asked and has no time for the foolishness in our political system! His greatest interview of all time (IMHO) is his interview with Bill Bennet. Search it out and watch. John says something that sums my decade up…“every gay person is someone’s son or daughter.” Here’s to you Jon! Thank you from the bottom of my highest stiletto!

So I have to go now. Snow White is about to be kissed by Prince Charming and wake up to a new and wondrous life. That was always my dream, and it came true. When my eyes open each morning, I see my dream. A loving man, a loving home, friends that care and a world that is starting to embrace my gays and me. We are lucky to be who we are. Stand tall, be proud and rejoice in where we have been and where we will go. I remember my mom saying to me… “Ray, dreams DO come true you know!” We should NEVER forget that!

Hugs and love!

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